Caring for aging parents checklist: where to start

You’re standing in your dad’s kitchen. There are three pill bottles on the counter you’ve never seen, a letter from the hospital nobody has opened, and not much in the fridge. Three weeks ago he was fine.

If you’re thinking “I don’t know where to start,” you’re in good company. More than half of family caregivers felt they had no choice in taking on the caregiving role. Nobody trains you for it, either. It arrives with a fall or a diagnosis, and you learn on the job.

Here’s what to do now, what can wait until next month, and what can wait longer than that.

What should I do this week?

Four things, in this order: a medical follow-up, one list of every medication, permission to speak with the doctor, and one call to local help.

Screenshot the list. Send it to whoever else is worried about your parent. That’s your first shared plan.

How do I know how much help my parent needs?

Watch a normal week for five things: meals, medications, getting around, money and mail, memory and mood. Then ask your parent what feels hardest.

You don’t need an assessment form. You need to notice. Is there food in the fridge, and is it being eaten? Are last week’s pills still in the blister pack? How are the stairs? Is the mail piling up, and are the bills paid? Does the story about Tuesday change each time it’s told?

Then ask, at a quiet moment, one question at a time. “What’s been harder lately?” “What would you want help with, and what do you want to keep doing yourself?” You’re gathering information. You’re also showing your parent they’re still the one deciding. If they say you’re making a fuss, that’s normal. Notice anyway.

A sudden change is different. New confusion, a second fall, weight dropping, pills doubled or missed: those get a call to the doctor this week, not next month.

What information do I need to collect?

Diagnoses, every medication, the doctors, the health card or insurance numbers, where the documents are, the daily routine, and a short log of what changes.

Pick one place and put it all there. A notebook works. A note on your phone works. Elderella works. What matters is that there’s one place, and that it isn’t your memory.

If there was a hospital visit, find the discharge summary. It says what happened, what changed, and what the follow-up is.

Then the medications, because that’s the list you’ll reach for most: every prescription, plus the over-the-counter medicines and supplements, since those interact too. Fewer than a quarter of caregivers were ever shown how to handle the medical side, so if this feels unfamiliar, that’s normal. If electronic records aren’t your style, the National Institute on Aging has free worksheets for medications, home safety, and important documents.

After that, in any order:

• The people: the family doctor, the pharmacy, any specialist, the friend next door who has a key.
• The numbers: the provincial health card in Canada, Medicare and insurance in the US.
• The documents: do power of attorneys exist, and where are they?
• The routine: what a normal day looks like, meals to pills to bedtime, written so someone else could run a day from it.
• The money: which bills exist and who can get into the accounts. The rest of the finances can wait.

Last, a few lines a day about what changed. “More tired than usual. Ate half of dinner. New pill started Tuesday.” That log is what the doctor wants to hear at the next visit, and what your brother wants to hear on the phone. There’s a template for it in caregiver notes: what to write down and how to share them.

Which legal documents matter, and what are they called where I live?

Two kinds: one that lets someone handle the money, and one that lets someone make health decisions. Canada and the US use different names for them, and so does each province and state.

Without these, if your parent can’t decide for themselves, someone has to ask a court for the authority. The Government of Canada’s own description of that process is “time consuming and expensive.”

Find out which of these already exist, and where they’re kept. If none exist and your parent is able to sign, a lawyer can draw them up. In the US, most states provide the health care forms free.

Where do I find local help?

In Canada, dial 2-1-1. In the US, call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116. Both are free, and both exist to answer “what’s available near me?”

About one in three caregivers say they wanted a service and either couldn’t get it or didn’t know it existed.

2-1-1 is answered around the clock in most of Canada, in more than 150 languages. It connects you to home care, meals, rides to appointments, respite, and caregiver programs in your area. In Ontario, the next call is Ontario Health atHome at 1-833-515-1234, which arranges publicly funded home care after an assessment. Anyone can make the referral, including you. Outside Ontario, 2-1-1 can tell you who arranges home care where you live.

In the US, the Eldercare Locator is run by the Administration for Community Living. It points you to your Area Agency on Aging for in-home help, transportation, home modifications, and how to pay for care.

Make the call before you need the help. A wait for an assessment is easier to sit through in a calm month than in a crisis.

How do I get my family to share the care?

Send them the first-week list and ask for one specific task, not “help.”

“Let me know if I can help” is an offer that rarely turns into help. Nobody knows what to ask for, so nobody asks. Give them a concrete task. “Can you call 2-1-1 this week and find out what’s available?” “Can you take dad to the appointment on the 24th?” “Can you be the one who talks to the pharmacy?” One task, with a date, is easy to say yes to.

Nearly one in three caregivers is also raising children. If that’s you, texting a sibling about the appointment while helping with homework at the same table, you have even less room for vague offers. If your brother is two provinces away, he can still own the phone calls, the paperwork, or the money side. Distance doesn’t rule out the jobs that happen by phone.

And if there’s nobody to share the care with right now, the list still works. Write the list for the person who’d step in if you were sick for a week.

What can wait?

Long-term care decisions, moving, the finances beyond this month’s bills, and the harder conversations.

Every guide you’ll find lists everything at once. Assisted living, the will, the house, the driving conversation, the bank accounts. None of it is this week.

This week is the four things. This month is the conversation, the walk through the house, the documents, and one ask. Everything else goes on a list titled “later.”

That later list gets longer than most people expect. The house, the bank, the passwords, the pets, the conversations no one wants to start. Elderella’s care map lays all of it out. As you add a medication or a document, Ella marks the matching step done, and each week she gives you one step to focus on. The rest waits without being forgotten.

How do I look after myself?

Tell your own doctor you’re a caregiver, keep your own appointments, and take one real break a week.

Caregivers are less likely than other people to get their own checkups, and the National Institute on Aging’s advice is plain: don’t wait until you’re completely overwhelmed. Your doctor can point you to support once they know. A real break means an hour that isn’t errands: a walk, a coffee with the friend who keeps asking, the show you’ve been meaning to watch.

Frequently asked questions